Eric, The Half a Bee.

There is a song by Monthy Python called ‘Eric, The Half a Bee’. Very few people know the hart-warming story behind this fantastic piece of music. So here it is (according to me).

Our sad story all begins in the centre of the former U.S.S.R, Moscow. More specifically we focus on the gardens of the Kremlin, the Russian Parliament. Eric, the bee in question, was happily flying around in the banana groves of the Kremlin looking for a nice flower to pollinate. Before we go any further I would like to explain and clarify the whole issue of banana trees in Russia, as I’m sure a lot of you out there are quite confused.

As you and I both know, there is a lot of hot air flowing around in the rooms of the Kremlin. The genius scientist Albert Einstein before he died came up with an amazing machine which actually captures this heated gas and pumps it directly to a huge underground swimming pool. The trapped air is used to heat this swimming pool. Now naturally the air temperature (as always) is ridiculously warm in this place of wallowment and conveniently this oasis of warmth happens to be directly under the open-air gardens, which were discussed in the above paragraph. The warm and humid air from the swimming complex travels up through the roof/ground by means of a special ‘W’ shaped piping system, and warm the ground of the gardens. This particular from of under soil heating has been found to be particularly irresistible to banana trees and you basically can’t stop the buggers from setting up root and sprouting offspring. Pretty soon you have a veritable army of fruit bearing shrubbery. This I feel adequately describes the reasoning behind the swarm of banana trees.

Anyway, back to Eric. Eric was flying around looking for a flower to mingle his little bee legs with and really wasn’t having much luck as I’m sure you can relate to – the poor guy was lost in a banana forest. He was just about to call it a day and buzz off to his local when he saw it. There just under a fallen bunch, it lay. Its bright purple and pink petals called to Eric like a female bee wearing frilly underwear. Like any self-respecting bee, Eric couldn’t refuse. He flew majestically and gracefully toward the perfect landing ground, right in the centre of the flower. He lifted his legs and braced for impact. Almost there…

No sooner had Eric’s little hymenopteral legs touched the flower’s bright orange pollen, did he know something was afoot. All was not right here. Then Eric realised it was a trap. Some of the stranded bananas were rising back up towards their trees. Bananas are not meant to do that. Then Eric saw they were releasing metal bars to the ground in a cage style pattern. These fruits from hell were trying to cage in our heroic bee. In a bid for freedom, Eric launched himself northward, trying to get under one of the ground-headed bars. In fairness to Eric, the little guy almost made it aswell. But almost never danced in the moonlight and to make a long story slightly less long, Eric’s ass got squashed.

It was a disaster. What would the other bees think? Eric could already hear the jeering. He couldn’t face his hive. So he ran... sorry, flew. It was not pretty and not something Eric is proud of, but he fled. E got a plastic ass and set up a new life for himself as a children’s entertainer, but his secret was always threatening him. Years later a man called … you guessed it - ‘Declan’, arrived to Eric’s small semi-detached hive and asked if he could write a song about Eric’s Life story. Eric agreed and Declan and Eric spent a large amount of time together. Eventually they realised they loved each other. The life story changed and a love song was born. It title – ‘Eric the Half a Bee’.

So now my friends you know the story behind the some. I appreciate the work you’ve done in changing this text into nerve impulses and the energy expended in sending the information to the left sides of your brains. You shall all be rewarded next time you go bowling. Thank You.

-MIK